Driver error
EVERGREEN – Possibly without thinking things all the way through, on the morning of March 7 Silver 4Runner called JCSO to accuse Black Yukon of “getting in my face.” He’d been driving to work along Evergreen Parkway, he told deputies, when Black Yukon “cut me off.” More than a bit miffed, Silver 4Runner fell in behind Black Yukon for a while, but soon tired of the pursuit and went to work. Imagine his surprise when Black Yukon turned the tables, showing up at Silver 4Runner’s place of business looking for his shadow. Silver 4Runner “confronted” Black Yukon in the lobby, words were exchanged, on-site authorities chased Black Yukon back out the door, and Silver 4Runner summoned deputies for to punish Black Yukon’s effrontery. Unfortunately for the complainant, the only useful information about that case that deputies had at hand was Silver 4Runner’s driving status, which was “suspended” on account of “excessive points.” Deputies advised Silver 4Runner to worry less about Black Yukon and more about “getting your driving status figured out.”
Goober eats
EVERGREEN – Leaving his vehicle at the Bergen Park n Ride on the night of March 9, Grand Cherokee returned less than three hours later to find its grandeur sadly diminished. While his license plate was still in place, its bolts had been “partially removed.” Worse, “food” had been “thrown on the windshield,” a condition aggravated by the theft of his windshield wiper blades. Adding insult to injury, the callous car park caterers left a message scrawled in the dust on the rear window. “Be careful where you park,” they wrote. Thinking he had been, Grand Cherokee called JCSO deputies, who didn’t get it either. There was neither permanent damage to the vehicle, nor an immediate case to be made.
Some reason?
INDIAN HILLS – Finishing his shift on the morning of March 4, Boyfriend called Girlfriend for a ride back to the home they share. Unable to find her keys, Girlfriend arranged for Boyfriend an Uber ride, instead. “For some reason,” Girlfriend would later tell deputies, “the Uber driver kicked (Boyfriend) out of the car before they got to the house.” Understandably frustrated, Boyfriend got his mom to drive him the remaining distance and arrived home in a bit of a pet. Boyfriend blamed Girlfriend for the morning’s mess, Girlfriend felt herself unjustly accused, and the debate continued at full volume until Girlfriend picked up the phone and made a hang-up 911 call. Belatedly realizing how paltry their problem might appear to a patrolman, Girlfriend immediate re-dialed, assuring the dispatcher that everything was fine, honest. The dispatcher was glad to hear it, but said that deputies would shortly be by to confirm it. Satisfied that all was well on the home front, officers advised that the couple retreat to separate corner the next time “issues” arise.
Alternative theory
CONIFER – Returning home from vacation and finding his patio door hanging half open, he suspected robbery and summoned JCSO. Responding deputies found it suggestive that the presumed thieves had failed to filch the laptop computer left sitting in plain sight, the plainly visible knife collection and the easily accessible rifle. They’d also for some reason neglected to search the large pile of mail on the dining room table for checks or useful personal and financial information. In fact, the incompetent crooks appeared to have slid the door open about a foot and departed without setting foot inside the house, which was apparent since nothing had been moved even an inch and the small snow drift that had formed on the floor in front of the door was completely undisturbed. After digesting those observations, the complainant ventured the opinion that the woman who’d been feeding the cat in his absence might have left it open “on accident.” The deputies agreed that such a scenario would be consistent with the observable facts.
Sheriff’s Calls is intended as a humorous take on some of the incident call records of the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office for the mountain communities. Names and identifying details have been changed, including the writer’s name, which is a pseudonym. All individuals are innocent until proven guilty.