“In the early days, I didn’t see how I was going to get through this,” she said. “To hear from you guys that there’s this other side is so powerful for me.” ”

“The most important thing that I do when I (go to other schools that have experienced mass violence) is stand in front of them looking normal, promising them that someday normal comes back to you,” she said. ”

Speaking to a panel of survivors and loved ones of mass shootings, former STEM School Highlands Ranch teacher Erin Christian told them she was grateful for their strength and candor. 

“In the early days, I didn’t see how I was going to get through this,” she said. “To hear from you guys that there’s this other side is so powerful for me.” 

Hosted by the STEM Center for Strength, the panel on April 1 focused on recovering from trauma with speakers sharing their individual journeys of healing from mass violence. It featured Columbine survivors Frank DeAngelis, the former principal, former teacher Paula Reed and graduate Michelle Wheeler; two family members of victims in the Aurora Theatre shooting, Tom Sullivan and Heather Dearman; Amber Brown, a survivor of the Las Vegas Route 91 shooting; and Carley Posey, a mother of survivors of the Sandy Hook shooting.

Emphasizing that recovery looks unique for every person and doesn’t follow any set timeline or logic, panelists answered a series of questions at the Lone Tree facility from moderator Kyle Dyer about what they had learned about processing trauma and what other people should know. 

“One of the hardest parts is understanding that who you were before is gone and you’ll never be that self again,” Reed, the former Columbine teacher, said. “But none of us are who we were yesterday, and you’re not supposed to be. You’re not supposed to go back, so no matter where you are on your journey, you are you.”

Though each individual healing process was different, the panelists highlighted a variety of resources that helped them, including therapy, medication and yoga and exercise. 

D’Angelis said he still has his counselor on speed dial. 

“It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength,” he said. 

Posey likened trauma to a physical wound, in that it’s important to get help and no one should feel ashamed for that, including loved ones or community members who were impacted as well. 

“We can’t compare trauma in these events,” Posey said. “Trauma can’t be leveled.”

During her healing process, Wheeler said she was initially worried that if she moved on then she would be leaving behind her classmates who died that day.

“Moving on after trauma does not mean you forget,” Wheeler said. “I carry those 13 with me everyday. But I learned how to live, so I live for those 13.”

When it comes to being in the “club that nobody wants to join,” as Wheeler put it, the support from other survivors and loved ones is bolstering. 

Reed agreed and noted that one of the most crucial things she can do is be an example for others.

“The most important thing that I do when I (go to other schools that have experienced mass violence) is stand in front of them looking normal, promising them that someday normal comes back to you,” she said. 

Looking forward, the panelists encouraged the STEM Center and others to provide mental health support through the long-term so that people can continue to access it as they need it. 

“That need is not going to stop,” Brown said.