QUIET DESPERATION

Driving should be a slam dunk, not just a slam

Posted

Each and every day in Colorado, there are more than 2 million rear-end collisions caused by motorists following too closely, resulting in numerous injuries and deaths and millions of dollars in auto repairs and medical care.

It is a known fact that there are no tailgaters in heaven. They all go south.

Nevertheless, the problem persists.

Or: Is it a problem? If it’s routine, then maybe it’s not a problem.

Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe it’s un-American to be a good driver.

That must be it.

There is a three-way stop near me. If ever three cars arrive at the same time, the odds are 50-50 that someone won’t stop or someone will enter the intersection when it’s not their turn.

If someone can’t figure out a three-way stop, maybe they shouldn’t be allowed to wed. Have children. Vote.

Then again, it could just be that I’m the one who is out of step.

If everyone is doing it, it can’t be wrong, right?

It does make me wonder how half the people on the road passed their driver’s test. (I guess we can all behave for 10 or 15 minutes.)

Come ride with me: If we can get from here to Home Depot without witnessing 10 moving violations I’ll buy you a velocipede.

Did you know it’s against the law to park on the wrong side of the street in a residential neighborhood?

Some of my neighbors haven’t heard the news.

If someone doesn’t know which side of the street to park on, maybe they shouldn’t be allowed to order Chinese. Or own a dish washer.

I probably expect too much of people. You’re lucky I’m not governor.

I’d make it illegal for anyone wearing perfume to get on an elevator.

I’d make it illegal for anyone who wasn’t a baseball player to wear a baseball cap backwards.

I’d make it illegal for anyone to say, “Me and her.”

Each and every day in Colorado, there are over 3 million rear-end collisions caused by motorists following too closely, resulting in numerous injuries and deaths and millions of dollars in auto repairs and medical care.

What difference does it make if I am exaggerating? No one will drive any differently because of something I say.

And another thing. We all want to hear your music just as much as you do; so be sure to turn it up, and increase the bass.

An automobile allows each and every one of us the freedom to move about this great country of ours as fast and inconsiderately and obnoxiously as possible.

Those were Henry Ford’s sentiments to a “T.”

Has this ever happened? You’re in the far right lane on the freeway. A car is entering from a ramp on the right of you. Driver doesn’t signal. Just comes on in.

Harry and I see all of these expensive-looking vehicles and can’t believe that turn signals didn’t come standard.

Of course, how can you signal if you’re on the phone? Or rearranging your eyelashes? Smacking your coffee? Cranking the stereo? Petting the dog? Reaching in your purse? Checking out the Global Positioning System?

It’s a lost cause. I know that. I’m talking to myself. Common sense? She left town a long time ago — going 80 in a 55.

Craig Marshall Smith is an artist, educator and Highlands Ranch resident. He can be reached at craigmarshallsmith@comcast.net.

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