iPhone follies

EVERGREEN — Bargain-browsing in the Big Box one February morning, Siri found the crushing weight of her personal electronics an impediment to the shopping process and placed them in her shopping basket. Subsequently finding the crushing weight of her shopping basket equally onerous, she placed it on the floor and browsed on unencumbered. Returning some minutes later, she found the basket exactly where she left it, but not exactly as she left it. Gone but not forgotten, Siri told JCSO deputies a month later on March 8, were a red iPhone SE and her emergency backup Android device. She’d been able to use an Internet locating app to track the iPhone to an address on Global Drive in Lousiville, Kentucky,  which was not much help. The phone’s serial number proved more useful, though, leading the dogged deputies to an electronics recycling kiosk at a King Soopers in Lakewood, Colorado, where it had been exchanged by for cash on Feb. 26 by Alexa. Confronted by deputies, Alexa at first failed to recall recycling Siri’s smartphone, but eventually admitted to “finding” it at the Evergreen Big Box. Officers cited Alexa for theft.

Follow that car!

EVERGREEN — Toyota was traveling eastbound on Interstate 70 on the afternoon of March 12 when Mercedes wove around him in what Toyota deemed a reckless manner. Toyota fell in behind Mercedes, and continued following him as Mercedes exited onto County Road 65. Mercedes didn’t like having a shadow, and he decided to shake his tail by pulling over to let Toyota by, which also provided a good opportunity for Mercedes to step out of his vehicle, shake his fist at Toyota and bellow a few choice words in passing. Now it was Toyota’s turn to feel the hot breath of pursuit, and when a state trooper passed by going the other direction, Toyota attempted to perform an emergency U-turn. Unprepared for the maneuver, Mercedes piled into Toyota’s back bumper, which also provided a good opportunity for Mercedes to step out of his vehicle, pound on Toyota’s windshield and bellow a few death threats. Mercedes told investigating deputies that he was just blowing off a little harmless steam. Multiple witnesses told deputies Mercedes was driving and acting “like a maniac.” Deputies cited Mercedes for harassment and reckless driving.

Out of bounds

CONIFER — Bjorn maintains a small, private ski area on his property for the exclusive enjoyment of immediate clan and close compatriots. Espying fresh ski tracks that were left by none of the above, Bjorn followed the offending furrows through the woods to a neighbor’s chalet. The neighbor, Sigurd, told Bjorn that while he hadn’t personally violated Bjorn’s snowy sanctum, he did recall observing a stranger schussing across his own property and suspected the man had been heading for the adjacent proprietary trails. As luck would have it, Dag had made note of the stranger’s license plate number which, on Feb. 23, led JCSO deputies to the door of Dag, who admitted making an unannounced excursion to what he believed to be an “abandoned ski resort,” but said he was pretty sure it was on “forest service land,” or maybe in a “state park.” Officers assured Dag that it was neither, and advised him to ply his boards elsewhere henceforth. No charges were filed.

Sheriff’s Calls is intended as a humorous take on some of the incident call records of the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office for the mountain communities. Names and identifying details have been changed. All individuals are innocent until proven guilty.