How to get thrown out of a hotel room with Dave Barry


I always thought it would be scary to get evicted. But what if the hotel police come knocking on the door, say “You are making too much noise and we’re evicting you!”

And I think it’s funny.

Yes, don’t tell my husband but I’m getting evicted with Dave Barry the Pulitzer prize winning humor writer, both of us married to other people — a scandal.

No, to have journalistic integrity I must confess Barry and I are not totally alone. Barry is with his wife, me, Alan Zweibel from Saturday Night Live and a lively group of columnists at the Hilton Hotel in Hartford, Conn. celebrating in the hospitality suite for the National Society of Newspaper Columnists annual get-together.

Time flies as we bandy about information on the columns and books we write, and kibbutz about the newspaper business.

I tell Dave Barry “I like your story Dance Recital.”

Dave lights up. “That was about our daughter do you want to see her picture?”

“She is gorgeous” I say, admiring their lovely daughter in an iPhone photo.

A friend takes a photo of Dave, his wife and me.

The sound of our collective voices as a group reaches a crescendo. The hotel has mistakenly rented a room to a family next to our hospitality suite, a stupid mistake.

The family probably whined, “It’s 10:30 p.m.! Can you shut up that noisy group next door? What are they — a rock band? They’ll probably trash the place!”

Hotel security arrives in BLACK UNIFORMS.

We columnists bustle out of the inhospitable suite carrying snacks, and cases of beer. Why is everyone laughing about being evicted as we fill the elevators? Maybe we laugh because we’re with Dave Barry and Alan Zweibel, the authors of “Lunatics.

It feels like high school. Yes, for that evening we are young again, having fun like kids.

Mary McFerren Stobie is finishing a book containing her best columns from the past thirty years. It will include material about her life in Hollywood acting, writing screenplays and doing stand-up — before becoming a column writer.


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